DIARY #1

I feel so trapped. I wish I had a car. I’m so mad at myself for not being able to move around on my own. I always have to depend on others to come and pick me up or take the bus. The problem is not money. I could easily buy a decent car to use in my daily life. The thing is my parents won’t let me buy one on my own. They are busy running their restaurant in another city and are rarely home. How am I supposed to buy one when they are not even here to help me and won’t let me buy one on my own. They offered to pay like 90% of the cost, but I’m getting so restless. I’ve had my license since January, but I’ve only been driving like 7 times since. I’m getting more upset, since I want to go back to the dorm, to my boyfriend. 

I want to be with him, but I can’t because I don’t have a fucking car. I’m so fucking stressed, sad and restless. I feel so helpless and I can’t help but cry. I don’t understand why I feel like this. It’s not a big deal, but I make such a fuss about it. I want to be with him and my heart feels so heavy when I’m at home. I enjoy being with my cousin and brother. (Parents doesn’t live at home) But I want to be with him. I’m so sad and empty inside, yet my chest is burning because I’m so mad and frustrated. I can’t do anything, but wait till morning to take the bus. I feel so helpless. I’m so mad. Help.